TGIF, Sorta!

I just saw some Hurricane Rita pics, New Orleans is flooded again. Geeeez These people just cant seem to get a break. Now, all the people they evacuated to texas are being evacuated from there to God knows where. (I didnt even think of that until one of my friends said it to me)

I'm pooped. I worked 11 hours today and am working 5 more tomorrow to make up the day I missed yesterday. My eyes actually hurt. Why the heck am I blogging?! I must be mad! I better go take my lenses out and give my peepers a break.

A test?

OK, so the bad luck keeps coming. I'll make it short so I can move on to more exciting things. I had an emergency root canal today and my face hurts. I missed yet another day of work, so that sucks.

The doctor definitely found the pregnancy was stuck in my left fallopian tube. I had a shot of something or the other (I wont even attempt to spell it) and that is supposed to dissolve :( the pregnancy. I guess the good news is I CAN get pregnant, but just cant seem to make the darn thing stick.

So, what else? I think I am attempting weight loss starting Monday. As I was laying in bed moaning (for no good reason lol) after my root canal, I heard a commercial playing for Kirstie Alley, well apparently she just isn't a fat actress anymore. Whoop dee doo, if I was some bazillionaire who didn't have to work or cook or clean and some company was giving my free food I would probably lose 50 lbs too! I'm not bitter or anything. LOL

Today is the first day of Fall, Eeeewww! All my friends are looking forward to the cooler weather but I think it blows. I like the warm, even hot weather. I've been thinking a lot of Southern California lately, it must be so great to live there in the near perfect temperature all year round...but then there is that whole earthquake thing, and that I can live without.

Hurricane Rita is kicking the crap out of the gulf coast. I'm praying for those people. Stay Strong! Tomorrow, back to work. I'm sure I'll be fine, suffering a m/c and root canal. This is a test...this is only a test. My real life will be online soon, I'm sure of it.

Homebound

I didn't feel like working today. I'm in pain and am staying home. I've been looking at all the pictures of Katrina and all the September 11th stuff out right now and I feel like a louse for letting my small problem overwhelm me when there are people out there with no homes, no food and no money. Soul searching time.

Right Decision?

Today I went and the Doc pretty much has it nailed that my low levels were due to an ectopic pregnancy. *Sigh* I had to go in for a shot to make me miscarry. This messed me up for several reasons. #1. It felt like murder and #2. I wasn't done giving up hope. I know I'm being irrational but I felt like this was MY kid and he/she was a survivor. In the end I had to take the shot because otherwise if this pregnancy kept growing it could rupture my tube causing me to be even more messed up than I already am. The docs did also see my whit blood cell count was pretty high (which is normally is) but even higher than usual. I'm assuming that is because my body is trying to miscarry. Who freaking knows. All I DO know is I was pregnant and now I'm not. This is officially miscarriage #3. I gotta tell you, this is getting old.

More waiting

Before I go on and on about myself, I find it necessary to say that September 11th was a big deal. I wasn't prepared for my emotions yesterday. It was overwhelming how everything comes back so fast. God Bless America, all the victims and the hero's. May peace be with us all.

Today I am heading to the Doctor for another blood test. Tony is coming with me, I think he needs some answers himself. I was up most of the night with the most horrible cramps in my back. Felt like I had to bear down. I'm gonna guess that isn't a good sign. :( We will see what happens today. After seeing all the news footage again yesterday from 9/11, it makes my problems seem so small. I guess perspective is what I am lacking.

More waiting

So here's the thing. My HCG levels are supposedly rising normally, but now the Doctors office thinks something is wrong because it started too late? UGH. Here are my levels:

9/2 - 6
9/6 - 42
9/8 - 105

This brings me to today (which is 9/10). I am going back on Monday for yet another HCG to see what is happening. In the meantime, I guess it is more "hurry up and wait"

Today is the day

Quick note, going in this morning for my b/w. I'm hopeful but not delusional. If it turns out this didn't work then I need to do a major overhaul on myself. It's time to quit messing around. Gotta run, docs office far away and need to get to work by 8! Eeeeeekkkk

Waiting is agonizing

OK, a little info before I start. I have PCOS (for all you normal peeps, this stands for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Along with this, I have some kind of weird clotting thing and a weird chromosome thing going on, all of which makes me trying to have a baby the hardest thing in the world. My husband (Tony) and I had IUI which is Intra Uterine Inemination on September 19th. We waited patiently to see a positive result. When I went back for my bloodwork, we were told that my HCG level (pregnancy hormone-0 to 5 is negative) is SIX!!! WTF is that crap? The doctor says it may be late implantation. I say I'm tired... I've been a human pin cushion for almost 3 weeks. Tony has had to inject me with progesterone due to something called a luteal phase defect (apparently this is part of PCOS) You have to see the size of these needles. They're humgous. UGH!!! I have to go back on Tuesday to see if my levels are doubling or if this is another miscarriage. (I've already had 2).

I thought (stupidly) that I wouldn't be upset because this month has been very stressful for me. My dad had to have a pacemaker put in and then developed some sort of clot. (he has the same clotting disorder as me). My sister-in-law got married and I was responsible for paying a portion of her wedding as a gift. Work sucks ass and my supervisor is a psychopath. So basically, I told myself it was fine if this IUI didn't work this month. I was so wrong. I find myself now crying at any and every commercial that includes babies/children. The yearning for a child has become so strong that it is consuming me. I feel like, as a woman, I just am a failure because I can't seem to do the one thing that women DO. Just today at church, I bawled just hearing a song about God and how much he is there to comfort you. Luckily, my parents didn't notice. I haven't told anyone but a few choice people in my life about this (and whoever may read this. lol) because I hate getting everyones hopes up and then crash and burn.

In other news, my friend had a bbq luau today. It was a welcome distraction. Tony and I had a great time. It was definitely nice NOT to think about my possible kinda maybe sorta pregnancy. OK peeps, pray for me - I need it. Thanks!