Right Decision?

Today I went and the Doc pretty much has it nailed that my low levels were due to an ectopic pregnancy. *Sigh* I had to go in for a shot to make me miscarry. This messed me up for several reasons. #1. It felt like murder and #2. I wasn't done giving up hope. I know I'm being irrational but I felt like this was MY kid and he/she was a survivor. In the end I had to take the shot because otherwise if this pregnancy kept growing it could rupture my tube causing me to be even more messed up than I already am. The docs did also see my whit blood cell count was pretty high (which is normally is) but even higher than usual. I'm assuming that is because my body is trying to miscarry. Who freaking knows. All I DO know is I was pregnant and now I'm not. This is officially miscarriage #3. I gotta tell you, this is getting old.